…I decided to risk my yes…
And because I did I’m now in the valley. We often think that the valley is a terrible place, we’ve put a bad connotation to them because that means we can’t see the final destination, we don’t really know what is to happen because we don’t have a vantage point. The valley can be seen as scary, as a place you don’t want to walk into, with valid reason…
Take for example this scene from Lord of the Rings:
Two things have always stuck out to me, the first being Aragon when, at the entrance decides there to face fear, saying “I am not scared of death.” Once he decided to step into the doorway it allowed for others to follow. Gimli who has always been use to the underground being a dwarf, is scared and doesn’t truly want to go finally mustering up the courage because he “would never hear the end of it…”
Something really amazing struck me when I was re-watching this scene and it was the fact that at this point in time Aragon has accepted that he is the rightful king, and is now able to walk into the face of death confidently, knowing who he is.
We so often allow fear to lead us and the lack of confidence of who we are to stifle our decisions. Each of our valleys can look different and be about different things, mine has been for a while the unknown. To be truthful with you I don’t like not knowing, it’s where I feed for control of my life. And yet, the more I try to cling onto control, of knowing, then I loose my sense of being. What I mean by that is I loose who I am to the fear that guides me.
When decisions come I want to know, that I know, that I know, I’m making the right decision. That I know what I’m getting myself into. That I know what will come afterwords. I then begin to wrestle with the questions “is this the right decision? Am I choosing the right thing? Does this make sense?” I repeat these questions over and over, weighing the pros and cons. Then as I mull those over other questions start to come up and soon I’m in a bit of a hot mess of emotions, anxiety, and just wait for the feeling of certainty to come.
Why?
All because I’m allowing fear to lead me.
In Psalm 23 David writes “though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil…”
David tells us the exact thing we need to do when faced with a valley… to walk. We are to keep moving and not set up camp and keeping misery as company. However, that’s where we find ourselves most often, stopped, waiting for the answer to be written in the sky it seems. We become indecisive, and as I stated earlier wait for our emotions to make the decision, or passively hand over the control of our lives to other people. Letting their words, their vices to choose for us. Truth be told though, as we continue to wait stuck in fear our indecision actually decides for us and we miss out on opportunities that the Lord desires for us to step into, all because of fear.
As we actually keep walking though fear can start to dissipate. I wonder what would happen as soon as that pit in our stomach comes, the faster heart beat, those thoughts, or those sweaty palms begin we actually turned to fear and said “you no longer lead me!” As loud and filled with the same authority and knowledge of who we are to it the same way Aragon did.
Being able to say “I do not fear death, because I know who I am and this valley, this wilderness, this storm is not going to kill me, but to kill the fear in me! For I know who I am, I know who’s I am!” and take the sword out of its sheath and charge in facing the unknown, the questions, the doubts, the insecurity (which is not the same as weakness btw).
Yes, there will be pain, but there is promise in it. Because the pain that we may face is not the problem, it leads us to the source of our problems. It leads us to the victory that we have been wanting, longing for. Because as Jesus told the man who had been sitting at the pools for 38 years, “pick up your pallet and walk” He is saying to you and I today. And, that is what He told me with the most grace and authority.
He whispered to me “Alysa, its time to stop standing idea and keeping misery as company and start moving. Stop giving reasons and excuses as to why you can’t, because I have things I want you to do and healing will come along the way. Do you trust me?” Ah there it is again…trust…trust that He will lead me and protect me, that this decision won’t be my demise (and yes I’m being dramatic), but it’ll be the demise of my fear.
Again I told Him yes and I started moving, I started walking and now I’m in the middle of the valley still unsure of what is to come…
…to be continued.
