…I’m in the middle of the valley…
In the middle isn’t the most comforting thing in the world. But it’s more comfortable than the beginning, there is less uncertainty, more joy, and lots more excitement of what is to come.
But, you might be wondering what was the question asked that got me here? Well the question was, “Alysa do you want to squad lead?” For those of you who have been following my journey since 2013 you know that I have done the World Race, went to CGA, squad led and have been working for Adventures for the past two years. So, you also might be wondering why would you choose that again?
Exactly…why do it again? Why go back out into the field? Why lead another group? Why choose to leave where some roots have been planted? Why? Why? Why?
Being honest with you, it’s been a struggle to really decide, to really choose to squad lead again for all and more of the questions above. I mean isn’t it back tracking? Wouldn’t it be wiser to try and either find a new job or continue in the one that I’m in? To make more of a “career move”?
You would be correct, it doesn’t make really any logical sense, and yet at the same time it makes the most perfect sense. If you know me then you understand that my desire is to help people walk out in more freedom in their identity in Christ, to then in turn be able to walk out their passions and dreams for the Kingdom. You know that I truly love being in the trenches with people. Sitting there, being a listening ear, helping someone stand back up, encourage, love, and challenge them. You know that I love fostering safe space, cultivating community, and building relationships with people. You know then that I love to give away what I have, to share my passions, my hopes, my desires with people. To build teams, help shepherd people along their journey.
So then why wouldn’t I choose to squad lead again?…
The reasons why I wouldn’t is because I’m finally feeling apart of something where I’m at. I enjoy the equipping that I’m getting here. Selfishly I don’t want to leave the people that I’ve fostered relationships with that I love and care for. And well, to be honest I’m scared of the change that would come with it. The uncertainty of it all and what will happen afterwords. I am ready to be in a place, to really start chasing after the dreams, vision and desires I’m finally willing to admit and want to go after with the Lord. I want my own house, to, yes I’ll admit it, be married, to be able to truly put down roots, to work on my writing, photography, and use the influence that the Lord has given me to make the most impact on people possible.
And yet, we are back to the same question that the Lord has been asking me Alysa, do you trust me, my heart and my intentions for you? To risk your yes, even if it’s the hardest one you have to do yet? Because really that’s what all of this is about, all the reasons why I wouldn’t are based on my insecurity that they will ever happen. Again, it’s fear leading me. While these are beautiful dreams, wants, desires, hopes, and vision; are they better than what I believe the Lord has for me?
Since I have been struggling with saying yes, clearly I think that what I have for myself is better. It’s humbling really because in Jeremiah 29:11 it says “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm, to give you a hope and a future.” Why wouldn’t I trust Him when He says that? Again, it’s because I want control of my life. Funny, how when I strive for control I actually lose more of it, and as I surrender it and hold it all with open hands I truly gain more. Because to gain my life I must lose it. I think that means truly trusting the Lord with everything, every hope, dream, vision, desire and to truly live a life of Your will be done!
That is not to say then I don’t make choices, it doesn’t mean that I just sit here idly hoping that it’ll all just come one day. No, I need to steward what the Lord has placed in front of me, take movements and steps forward. However, I found myself fighting with moving forward, from making a choice, that is until something that one of my friends told me. He said “Alysa, I think you need to be selfish for once, to choose something for you, ignore what people may expect or hope and just listen to what the Lord is saying and you decide for you…”
Thankfully Papa knew what I needed to hear for me to truly decide…
Come January I’m going back onto the field with an Expedition squad (as pictured). I didn’t realize that I was trying to weigh my options based on other people, I hadn’t realized that I was giving the choice over to other people until I stopped and really asked myself what I simply wanted and that it was aligned with what the Lord has been wanting for me. I thought that my want was selfish, and maybe it is, but, I think the beautiful thing is when our desires aline with God’s. And we think that it’s just simply our desire, but truly its His too, infant He is the one that put it there in the first place.
As I stated I’m in the middle of the valley. I’m still unsure of what is to come, of what will happen after, but, I’m taking an optimistic risk with the Lord, choosing to step into real genuine trust and faith that whatever is to come will be good.
P.S. Want to support me? I’m first in need of people to come alongside in prayer, its the most important agent and tool in whatever we do. Second, is people to come alongside me financially, I’m needing to raise $8,500 for my time on the field and additional debriefs.
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