What Do You Want?

 

A question that God has been asking me lately, (actually I should be honest, for most of my life), is “Alysa, what is it that you want?” Its a nerve-wracking question to me, because I want so many things, but, will they be the right choice? I realized that I’ve been scared of this question. As I write even now, all the “what if’s” start raging inside of me, fear starting to cripple myself, and undeniable pressure. 

 

However, if I step outside of myself for even two minutes I realize that the pressure, the questions, the fear have nothing to do with the Lord rather it has to do with the world around me. Because, God hasn’t ever given me a spirit of fear, He has never guided me wrong, and He has never put pressure on me. 

 

So, for two minutes, and yes I am setting a timer, I’m going to step outside of myself and I’m going to share with you right here, right now, what I want…

 

I want to see the world around me changed.

I want to help others step into greater freedom, hope, and confidence in their identity in Christ.

I want to change the way we view community and break the boundaries we’ve put on it. 

I want to create safe spaces.

I want to cultivate relationships that last.

I want others to know that they aren’t just invited to the table but are accepted there.

I want to travel to all 50 states (currently have been to 30).

I want to do a road trip down the east coast following the fall.

I want to live in California for a season.

I want to live in Spain for a season.

I want to live back in Colorado. 

I want to have my own home and people to feel welcomed there.

I want to be married.

I want to have kids.

I want to get my masters degree in leadership development and counseling.

I want to be the cool aunt to all my siblings kids.

I want to write a book that changes the way people view themselves and the world around them

I want to do art therapy with counseling and soul care.

I want use my photography to bring a fresh perspective to the way people view the world and moments that they see. To capture a moment and make it eternal for someone.

I want to dream impossible dreams that may never actually pan out, but to still be filled with wonder.

I want to backpack through Europe.

I want to continue to travel the world even when I have a family, to experience and see the richness, the hardships, and the hope that is still riddled throughout every nook and cranny of the world.

I want to own a Husky

I want to always try new things even if they scare me and I may fail at them, because it is only through the trying that I learn a new passion of mine/something I may like.

I want to be bold and daring. 

I want to connect people together.

I want to love unconditionally, giving grace freely.

I want my breath to be taken away time and time again when I see the vastness of the Ocean, the grander of the mountains, the expanse of the night sky, the humbling heights of skyscrapers, the sound of snow falling, and the awe of thunderstorms.

I want to become a great cook, and bake tasty treats for others inviting them to my table.

I want to dance in the kitchen, sing in the shower, and cry in the living room.

I want to know my neighbors.

I want to get lost in the nooks of libraries where I am teleported into a new world as I read through the rich pages of books.

I want to find delicious hole in the wall food places in the cities I live in and the places I travel to.

I want to leave a legacy behind me.

I want to squad lead again.

I want to love, fall in love and be loved.

I want to experience life.

I want to live a life of adventure and exploration. 

I want to cultivate tribe with people and teach them how to do that with others.

I want to go to all National Parks.

I want to paddle board in the moonlight.

I want to visit quaint coffeeshops 

I want to have a little “band” with my future husband (even if that just means in our own living room)

I want to be challenged in life, to not back down from fear.

I want my husband and I to have a similar heart and vision for life, to not just settle for a paycheck but follow the Lord in what we do, to follow the dreams He lays on our hearts and to live a life of passion.

I want to be able to look back on my life and see that I lived my life lost and gained it all the more.

 

I could keep going I’m sure, but my two minutes are up. It feels good to say “this is what I want”, but it’s hard and scary at the same time too. Because, now it’s out there. Here are the things that I want out of life, well two minutes of it anyways. There are things I could elaborate on and maybe other things I’ll think on more, but right here and now here you go, this is the real and raw desires of my heart in this present moment. 

 

Do I know what is to come? No. I sure don’t. Do I think that all of these will come to pass? I hope so. But, the only way to really know is to begin to live. To let go of the pressures that I may feel, to take a breath and say “okay God which way?” Sometimes He will give me a clear direction, other times He may let me choose. Scary, daunting and filled with uncertainty I begin to understand that it starts with a willingness to take a single step forward, even if it is a hesitant one. The thing that I continue to hear the Lord ask of me though is “do you trust me?”  

 

And yes Lord, I do.